When I was younger, I was born into not the best family. My father left my mom when my little brother (Drake) was born. After I turned 4, Drake and I were taken by my dad far away from where we lived and for two years my mom didn't know where we were. In those two years, Drake and I were abused, taken away from our dad by law, put into foster care, didn't speak or see our mom once and developed depression. These events grew us so close together. We understood one another and knew that we would always be there for each other. We were best friends. When we were living in Florida, I got into music and playing guitar and piano and singing. Drake liked to do what I did so I taught him those things too in our free time. I never had any friends other than him.
After my mom found Drake and I, I was 7 and he was 6. Drake and I still did everything together living with our mom again. Our dad wasn't in our life again though. The one day I wanted to do something different from Drake, I lost him for good. It was a year after living with our mom again over Spring break. I honestly felt bad so I bought him a penguin stuffed animal at the place I went to with our grandma. I came home looking for him but my mom told me that he has passed away. I didn't want to believe it but it was true. I feel like if I was there for him, he would still be here today. This is when I started self harm and started writing about my feelings in a notebook. I still have the book. One entry from a year after he passed away I wrote "Today was just another sad day. I wish Drake could be here to make me feel better but God took him. He is better off without me. If kids didn't talk about him at school, I wouldn't cry after school. I won't show anyone my scars also. I don't want mom to loose my again." 9 year olds shouldn't write about that but I lost the one person I was close to at a young age.
When I turned 11, I moved from where we were living. I thought that maybe going to a new school, with new people, in a new town would be the best way to forget about the bad in my life. It only got worse. I got alone with people but never made a real friend. I was bullied about my hair (it was long, orangy-blonde and always in a braid), my teeth and the way I talked. I got so upset about those insecurities that I cut all of my hair off, dyed my hair black, got speech lessons, and pushed people away. I even lost my appetite from feelings so alone and not caring how I treated myself. My dad became part of my life again, but with a woman that was not right for him and made him upset all the time. I lied and told him that I liked her to make him happy on the way to school one morning. Sooner or later, from holding in everything, not eating properly (ever), not being active or happy, and not going outside much; I got really sick. I had mono for about 18 months and for two of those months I was in the hospital. When I went back to school, people thought that I was "diseased." It made me more upset and insecure.
After my 14th birthday, I joined the marching band and started not to care what people though about me. I played Clarinet and still kept up on piano. I found my happiness in music. I still held all of my feelings in and still didn't have super close friends. I never told them everything. I still abused myself and I gained weight from eating too much. I didn't want to be sick again.
After I turned 16, I was put into a freshman health class as a sophomore for waiting to take that class. I was introduced to two bands at an Allstar Weekend concert by accident on February 18th, 2012 at the Boston House of Blues. I went to that concert with my cousin Deven. She is my concert buddy. Those two bands were Before You Exit and Hollywood Ending. I heard them perform and after the show BYE came outside of the venue to meet fans. They weren't that well known but I still was instantly attached to their kindness and personality and their music. It made me happy. (I left before I could even meet Hollywood Ending) I went home after the concert and watched a few of their videos. Soon I became a member of the BYEfamily and I became an Ender. Later that year, I went to a Before You Exit house party and became closer with the band. They became an inspiration... but that's not the only thing that kept me attached to them.
The other fans in the BYEfamily and the Ender's shared similar stories to mine and I started to feel less different and more wanted and understood. That's when I met Becky. We shared so much and still do. I have grown super close to all of the fans and automatically grow strong relationships with them. I still do till this day. I met my closest friends this way; some in person and some not. (Becky, Briteny, Alyssa, Tyler and so many more!) Ever since I have lived music everyday I have been much more happier than I have ever been in my life. I am now 17 turning 18. I have a strong relationship with my dad, I do self harm less, I eat healthier, I am now in a band with my closest friends, and I am just living life at best as I can because I am only human just like you. I fight life's battles everyday just for the people who have gone through what I have. I guess that you can officially say that I am a soldier. Are you?
p.s. If you have heard of these bands thank them for me. They are still an inspiration and if you have gone through what I have, I could always be here for you to talk to when you need someone. You're a soldier, as am I. <3 Thanks for taking the time to read about my roller coaster life.
-Moranda
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